#this is literally the first thing i don't hate in days

[bitter-me]

Hello! could you do Asaba Harumasa with A Loid Forger!Male!Reader who is his Fiancé? (For real not for a misson) And could you do like some general headcanons of it please?

Spy X Executive Officer

Harumasa Asaba | M. Reader as Loid Forger [SpyXFamily]

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"You gotta be careful. Because there's someone else back home who'd be heartbroken if anything happened to you."

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General Headcanons

First of all, the moment you two met Harumasa knew you are a spy. Come on now, he's responsible for Section 6's reconnaissance for a reason. In the main story he literally recognized the mercs are closing in on them by their shooting pattern alone. Are you kidding me.

Secrets out and from then on he'll rub it in your face that the Twilight was caught by an Executive Officer and through this process of endless teasing and "accidental meet ups" you two gotten quite close.

Yet despite making teasing the absolute daylight out of you his main mission. Harumasa would always comes to you for help with some missions of his. Come on! He has Twilight on speed dial! What kind of person would he be if he didn't abused use this power? The amount of times you have to pretend to be him for a meeting... too much to even bother counting..

Harumasa seems to have developed a habit since you two got together. One of which is how he looks like a wounded animal whenever you have to "be in a relationship" with someone. He's joking of course. But always seem to jump at the chance whenever Harumasa saw it.

But then again.. you're also using him for your own work as well. HAND has a lot of useful information and Departments. Having an insider on speed dial just make things ten times easier. In short both of you are using each other.. until it became something more as you two craves more with each interactions.

"You're cheating on me! I know I don't have much time, yet you--" "Darling, I am not seeing someone behind your back, it was a mission. We have this conversation before."

Endless teasing. Just endless.

By the way, are you a cat person? Well it doesn't matter you are a cat person now. Say hello to your son/daughter. Harumasa canonically has a cat, so..

Would jokingly as you to teach him some espionage with the excuse that it'll help him be a "more outstanding scout." You didn't, of course. Espionage is your thing. As if you'll let him steal your thunder like that.

Oh no. Harumasa isn't in the office again. He must have taken a sick leave. But how could he get another one? What? He has a doctor's note?

Yes, he would probably, maybe, say "please" a lot, just to get you to write him a doctor's note. Hey! Not his fault that your public image is a Psychiatrist! That just makes your notes 100% legal! And you are this awesome boyfriend of his right? So.. please~ he promise to give you kisses if you do write it~

Although Harumasa seems to know he can't use this trick a lot and uses it sparingly.

The proposal? It's the grenade proposal. I'm sorry but it's cute and it kinda fits ZZZ's world building. Both of you are running from the Ethereals and have gotten cornered. What a bad day it was. You were just about to propose when Harumasa got a call for a mission, since you don't want to waste any time. You decided to help your lover so that you can finally propose when all of these are done. But no, the universe hates you and decided to do this instead and damnit! You lost the ring! Cornered with nowhere else to go you spotted a grenade not to far away. Acting out of instincts you took it, pulling the pin and saying your vow as you put the "ring" on Harumasa's finger.

He ruthlessly tease you about the proposal though. Saying something like "Took you long enough. And here I thought I would die first before knowing the feeling of a ring on my finger." and, "A grenade pin? Seriously? How come those men and women you "marry" for a mission gets an actual ring while I--you're actual lover--only have this? I'm hurt!"

In the end you did get him an actual ring. As he deserved.

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Despite usually being seen slacking off. Harumasa works hard on his missions. After all, there's a reason as to why he's a member of Section 6. Naturally.

Yet he's not invincible. Harumasa knows that better than anyone else. Which is why he is now lying in the hospital bed with a sore throat and a heavy chest. It felt as if he were to somehow lie in a wrong way he'll start coughing out a lung. But he doesn't have to worry. He has [Name}. And that man would go full on doctor on him in a heartbeat.

"You're an idiot sometimes." [Name] sighs, sitting on the chair by his lover's bedside. He can't believe Harumasa had willingly injected that thing. Onto him like that. Sure, he understands. Harumasa can't let that thing exist in the world. But seriously?! Did he even think for one second what could have happened to himself if he weren't this lucky?! What if it's a one time thing?!

"You idiot." He whispers underneath his breath.

Harumasa really has to be careful.. because there's someone else back home who'd be heartbroken if anything happened to him.. and that person, is him. [Name] Forger.

For all of his time as a spy. No one had ever made him feel so.. complete. The thought of settling down never crossed his mind. But with Harumasa.. he might just consider it. But..

How is he supposed to settle when the one he loves is constantly on death's door?

[Name] snapped out of his thoughts the moment he registered the warm feeling on his hand. Harumasa's on top of his. Turning his head towards him, [Name] saw Harumasa giving him a reassuring smile. "I know.. but I'm your idiot."

"Don't worry too much. I'm not going anywhere. After all, no one cares more about my life than me."

[flightfoot]

Why are you always virtue signaling how Alya and Adrien get salted on in posts complaining about other characters receiving fandom hate ? Like that Kagami post had literally nothing to do with Alya but you still brought up how she has it worse than Kagami or whatever, you always dismiss any people complaining about characters' fandom hate with "I don't see them getting hated but even if they do Alya and Adrien still have it so much worse cause I say so !" even tho this doesn't even serve anything to what these people were saying to begin with.

It's not virtue signaling, it's me being extremely upset about the demonization they receive.

I have been complaining about this VERY LOUDLY for half a decade now, because I had a solid year where I just had the exposure to the saltfics, the ways I'd seen Alya and Adrien be treated, running over and over in my head nonstop. It's not fun to be constantly choked up at work for hours on end while having visions of Alya being made to physically beat up Marinette so that Marinette and her posse can crow about getting to hurt her in return, or memories of Adrien being made into this sexual assaulter so that Marinette's new boyfriend can beat him up, or just Marinette being mad that Adrien didn't think continuing with her unsuccessful attempts to expose Lila via accusing her of faking disabilities and then taking revenge on him for that, like by abusing her power to arrange for Lila to sexually harass him for her own viewing pleasure (yes, that was an actual ficlet passing around tumblr back in the day). I read a crapton of Miraculous fanfiction, so I have, unfortunately, seen a TON of it, AND I was exposed to the just absolute insanity of the saltdom from the start, since I joined the fandom in early 2019.

Part of the reason I tend to bring up the gross way Alya and Adrien have been treated is due to some of the arguments I kept on seeing way back in that first year of the saltdom, in 2019. One of the arguments I saw getting passed around was that Adrien deserved the level of just, absolutely insane demonization he was getting because, supposedly, Marinette had gotten more negative fanfics than him in the past, so this was an evening of the scales. As far as I can tell this isn't really true, at least of the degree that the Chameleon saltfics exist. So part of it is righteous indignation for that argument that was made to me by prominent people in the saltdom, since if you applied that same logic and that same degree of amplification to other characters now... well I don't even know what that would look like, the backlash for the Alya bashing would be beyond human comprehension.

The way you're talking about me saying that Alya and Adrien have it so much worse because I say so, implies that you don't think that's actually true. Do you need a link to their bashing tags? Because here's Alya's bashing tag, (it has over 900 entries) sorted by kudos so you can see how insanely popular these things are, so it's not just a few people puttin them out and them then getting ignored, this is a separate fandom derived from gross demonization in and of itself, and a link to the Adrien bashing tag, also sorted by kudos (it has over 700 entries). If you want to try to track down Kagami bashing fics in order to try to compare numbers on that then be my guess, there are, so far, only 3 fics actually labeled as such (though I do know more fics than that actually contain Kagami bashing, it's REALLY not that common, especially at the levels that Adrien and Alya tend to be bashed at. And yes, I am something of an authority on that subject.)

Also, my talking about the Chameleon salt being worse was actually kind of relevant to the post you're referencing.

OP was complaining about everyone being hung up on shipping and Kagami being bashed to high heaven partially as a result, and critiquing the fandom for Die For Our Ship, basically. But while there is some of that in ML, it's not the main contributer to character bashing in the ML fandom, and Kagami being bashed by Lovesquare shippers for getting in the way is one of the most infrequent, mild versions of Die For Our Ship that exists in the ML fandom. Lukanette and Maribat fics are FAR more likely to make Adrien into some horrible person to help justify Marinette hooking up with their boyfriend of choice, than Lovesquare fics are with Kagami. Heck, even if you're just looking at who Lovesquare fics will bash for the sake of a ship, LUKA is far more likely to be subjected to that than Kagami is (it's still not all that common though.)

Also just... back in the day, in 2019, the saltdom presented itself as the "morally correct" choice. Like, that it was critiquing the show and that it was simply giving Marinette justice, and that you were morally a bad person if you didn't recite all of Adrien's wrongdoings if you talk about liking him, and a lot of crap. The plainly racist way that Alya was targeted was dismissed as actually, somehow, being the SHOW WRITER's fault for writing her in a way that caused the Alya bashers to want to write her in a racist way. So part of me constantly bringing it up is also just still fermenting indignation and resentment for that bullshit, because it still doesn't feel like I got closure on this, since the saltfics are STILL being published daily, and are still way more popular than other fics with similar levels of writing quality.

I'm just still really, really upset about this, and when talking about the Adrien and Alya bashing and the stuff they're subjected to with people in real life, I often start raising my volume and yelling and choking up and even being on the verge of tears if I talk about it long enough. I am seriously, GENUINELY that hurt about it, ESPECIALLY for Alya, since she doesn't get the amount of love Adrien does to help offset her hate, and because the demonization Alya gets is so racist and undeserved.

[demon-at-peace]

DP + DC streamer Sam/Val

seen and a bunch of posts/fics with a streamer Danny or Tucker, but Sam and Val, (it is my new fav ship), anyhow so it's this Gotham girl who is like shouting about eco friendly stuff, rants about endangered animals. And then her buff girlfriend, who goes to protests with her and is smitten. and literally punched a dude who hit on her.

They go viral, cause the internet loves stuff like this, so they get partnerships with a ton of businesses with organic/vegan/eco friendly products. Sam is so enthusiastic, and Val is too, and they go viral again. So Wayne Enterprises reaches out eventually, to promote something.

And who do they talk with? their tech people, aka Tucker and Danny. it's Tim who reaches out (idf about reality) and like they get into a chat, and figure it out. Anyhow they do promote it, but Sam may be very into ecology stuff, but she ain't a tech girl, so she calls Danny and tucker.

The video goes viral, not for the tech, but for Danny and Tucker, the whole internet thinks they are a couple, and goes crazy. Danny posts on TikTok (he mainly posts ghost memes) saying "ew gross that's my bro, like sure i'm gay, that's obvious, I mean look at me, but that's my bro!" Tucker on his does the same thing, (he posts tech blogs). The internet proceeds to ignore them.

Tim's first thought when he sees them, is holy shit the tech dudes I talked to are so hot. He may or may not blush, cause okay fine, he's into fit buff dudes. But they are a couple and he's a CEO and it doesn't matter. Till he sees Tucker's/Danny's video, and is like ok so I do have a chance. But he's a CEO so never mind.

a couple months after this, a hacker (Tim is convinced it's like 5) pops up. They are going for the JL servers. Tim and Oracle as a team effort spent days tracing it back. And it's Danny & Tucker, Tim reaches out to them and is received with, "is Oracle one person, my friend swears she is, but I don't think so?" And Tim is just flabbergasted.

So he answers and tells them to stop hacking the servers, they do, but he ends up stalking them. And interacting with them under disguise, somehow they can tell, and pull him aside after a couple days, and are like, "why are you here? your a CEO, don't you have a company to run."

Tim blurts out for all his stupidity "I had a crush on you, from the video, and your hot and tech dudes" (with guilty smile and Robin level acting) , well okay it isn't a lie but such a stupid cover. Tim almost has a metal breakdown, cause now they think he's a stalker, ect.

Neither of them think that, cause he's way more polite than Vlad, and Tucker is so used Danny's ghost stuff it's hardly weird.

Idk the rest or know the ship, like it could be poly or Tim/Tuck, or Tim/Danny, who cares?

also I wrote this with a fever, so don't judge me, though it's back down to 101 °F , like yay!! hate colds tho,

[lurkingshan]

Theory of Love Episode 5: 10 Things I Hate About You

We have hit a stretch of actually good movies, and I'm so grateful. This week we got to revisit one of my old favorites, a gem of the modern Shakespeare adaption pantheon: 10 Things I Hate About You. Here's the plot, in brief:

Cameron transfers to a new high school and instantly falls for Bianca, a girl whose father notoriously won't let her date and has just set a new rule: she can only start dating when her older sister Kat does. Kat is known as "difficult" and anti-social, so Cameron and his buddy cook up a scheme to recruit resident "bad boy" Patrick to date her, using the asshole popular guy Joey as a stooge to pay him. Patrick falls for Kat for real in the course of this scheme, Kat eventually finds out he lied to her, and things blow up before we cut to the happy resolution.

It was fun to revisit this movie, which has a really solid narrative underpinning its many hilarious lines (shoutout to the Bard). It holds up pretty well, minus some trappings of the era that led to the inevitable casual ableism and homophobia, and it was a real pleasure to see Heath Ledger on my screen again. The main problem with this film is that the resolution comes too easily: after only one minor argument when Kat uncovers the Big Lie, she has a breakdown and forgives Patrick for tricking her without making him suffer at all, and the other dudes who were involved in deceiving her don't even acknowledge their part in it, let alone atone. Unsatisfying!

Re-watching Theory of Love, I wonder if the creators felt the same way about the lack of real atonement and growth on Patrick's part, because boy are they going to make damn sure Khai pays for every mistake he makes in this first half of the story. That begins this week with Third distancing himself from Khai in the wake of learning about the scheme Khai and Bone ran on him to test his feelings. But of course, Khai doesn't know Third overheard him and Third won't tell him why he's mad, so the two of them circle each other in this episode getting increasingly frustrated as they fail to communicate and Third tries and fails to go back to treating Khai like a friend.

Because Third is still very hurt and angry, and he can't suppress it or stop himself from lashing out at Khai. He starts off this episode with a very literal task taken from the title of this week's film by making a list of Khai's flaws to try to talk himself out of liking him (he seems to have missed that Kat's poem is not actually about Patrick's flaws, but the opposite--one thing I've learned from this project is that Third is pretty bad at media analysis). Third continues to hold Khai to a totally different standard than everyone else--notice he excuses Bone's own involvement in the scheme that hurt him while holding a firm grudge against Khai and refusing to tell him what he's upset about--so Third overreacts to Khai bringing a date around and acts like a bitch, and Khai doesn't understand why Third is acting this way so he's an even bigger bitch in return. Their fighting in this episode is painful to watch. No one can cut you quite like the person who knows you best.

Khai can't possibly give Third what he wants until Third tells him, but Third is unwilling to talk to him about it. Not that I can really blame Third for that, because Khai is not ready to receive a love confession from his best friend. The whole reason they got into this latest mess is because Khai was determined to prove Third doesn't like him that way. He wants to keep him as his best friend, and the idea that Third might want something different is not welcome. We saw Khai's hurt in this episode when Third suddenly started treating him differently without explaining, we saw him get upset when Third blew up at him for "whoring around" and return his nasty energy, and we saw him regret and go to Third to apologize the next day, because he cares about this friendship. I thought it was interesting that in their fight this episode Khai told Third he's not his "wife." Part of Khai knows exactly what's going on here, and he is not yet ready to admit it to himself. Third doesn't want to be his friend, and that's the heart of the issue.

[paracosmicka]

might be a somewhat awkward question, so feel free to ignore, but how do you usually go about drawing stuff like kissing and cuddling? i would be curious to know your process, because you always manage to portray that stuff as incredibly soft and.. vulnerable? if that makes any ounce of sense. sorry if it doesn’t TvT

No you’re all good this isn’t an awkward question at all! Actually this is kind of a fun ask to answer bc I wanna know if any other people have similar experiences to how I draw lol.

First off, wanna say that there’s a one specific song I’ve listened to religiously for the past 3 years, and it's also the song I listen to most often while drawing sonadow. I feel like it’s encompasses almost the entire range of human emotion while somehow also being able to match exactly to any single specific emotion on that range.

Typing this out now my feelings and experiences with the song might be a little biased because it’s part of the OST for Signalis (which is such an underrated game and especially the soundtrack), but I feel like even if you haven’t played the game it can still give you this melancholic atmosphere. But really it feels like….I feel like there are words to describe what i’m trying to say but I can’t think of any other than like, … an “ethereal comfort”.

Okay sorry about that ramble I just really wanted to give you some context and also I need more people to play Signalis. But anyway to answer your question:

My “Creative” Process: featuring symptoms of autism and insomnia

I like that people use words like “soft”, “intimate”, “tender” in the replies and stuff of my art because (while that is the intention behind a lot of my art) it makes me think about the actual process that took place while I was drawing and if that in anyway impacts the viewer interpretation.

I might have talked about this before on my blog, but if so I can’t remember. So I wanna ask any other artists (or actually just people in general) if they do this too or if it’s something Not Normal because it does concern me sometimes lol. Like it’s probably not that uncommon, but I’ve just never seen anyone talk about this before:

I always (like 90%) fall asleep while I draw, it’s never usually for long, sometimes I just doze off for like 5 minutes, but more often I get a lot of half-hour naps in. It most likely, probably, definitely, literally guarantee is because I do things that, maybe don’t encourage, but definitely make it easier to not stay awake. I listen to more calm music while drawing, all of my canvas templates absolutely cannot be white and instead have to be a warm color with both the saturation and brightness really toned down so it’s like a comforting hazy-yellow. I also have all the lights turned off in my room, especially in the day, because I hate the light-reflection on my iPad screen while I draw.

I know I just listed all those things I do like they were intentional but I only just recently realized I do this because someone pointed out how my background colors are always like a soft-yellow which is apparently not common and I was like “oh yeah I guess you’re right”.

So, to be honest, I’m not really sure how I do draw sonadow kissing and cuddling other than…I just do? I’m sorry I know that’s not very helpful 😭 Like, literally the only tip I can think of is “try to be really eeby and neebies to sleeby” while drawing soft gay hedgehogs, 10/10 doctors highly recommend and another cool perk: no nightmares (at least so far, I always get warm and nice dreams 💖)

I definitely like to use references tho lol. Kids, if you run out of Heartstopper clips or any other cute kissing scenes in your favorite movies and shows, don't be embarrassed to go on Youtube and search “makeout scenes” and watch almost all 300 videos in a playlist that definitely seems like it was created like a bot, because sometimes those are the only references you’re gonna get for kissing animations.

Well, I think that concludes this edition of Unnecessarily Long Dissertation Papers by Paracosm, thank you for the ask anon!!

OH ACTUALLY sorry for promoting another Spotify playlist but I made one specifically for Soft, Vulnerable, and Intimate Sonadow Vibes™️ because as much as I love using my regular sonadow playlist I needed one for pillow and blanky time. It’s got The Red Gate and a lot of other songs with similar vibes so here’s that if you wanna listen :3

WAIT SORRY ALSO???? A friend said that my playlist is the most liked sonadow playlist on Spotify apparently 😭 but I actually don’t know if that’s true I’m just surprised that people actually save it to their libraries (970 likes last time I checked I didn’t even know that many real human people were on Spotify) bc it’s like a million hours long and there is no consistency at all like the music genres will switch from borderline-hyperpop MGNA Crrrta to soft instrumental OSTs to the loud unidentifiable noises of Nero’s Day at Disneyland/Lauren Bousfield’s music.

Okay actually done talking now, I love answering asks because everyone is always so fucking nice and sweet I have teared up at times but because they make me feel so many things every time I sit down to answer one I probably use a good hour or two writing everything out and then quickly proofreading so that my one coworker that follows me on here won’t bully me in public for being an idiot.

But seriously tho, feel free to send me any asks you might have, you are literally never bothering me I love reading you guys’ messages 😭💖!! I wish I had more time to answer all of them but just know I check my inbox at least once a week and try to read all the new ones. My goal is trying to answer at least one a day, which doesn’t always happen but at the end of the week I always make sure to put myself in a Saw trap to answer at least a couple 💖 Seriously just thank you for all the support I feel like I don’t say it enough I love you guys and I love talking with you guys and I love how everyone here is so nice and we can all be cozy and enjoy our gay hedgehogs ☺️

[prapaiwife]

Semi rant

So I wanted to talk about how I've seen alot of ppl labeling cirrus now hold your pitch forks cause I know some will say well you like prapai so not shocking you will be okay with this. Well first off I know that alot of ppl place their disdain on cirrus or someone like prapai because they hate the perosn who even made these characters. And a lot of ppl already have their preconceptions regarding mame. And it's one thing to be critical about her shows, but then, on the other side, I see just about balant disrespect. Cause their is seemingly always this constant policing moralitly of her shows. So if their is a "bad" character, suddenly you are now a bad person for writing this and trying to sway the audience, or you're a bad person for just watching the show! And that's why it's easy for some ppl to hate cirrus or prapai, but to focus on cir he is a character that is shaped by his trauma which was very intense and very insane psychologically physically and emotional abuse from his mother. And in doing so was abandoned by his father who basically chose his brother over him he was sheltered heavily in all aspects of his life from his mother. She made it very clear to him that his life is not his to begin with never has and will be. It's no wonder why he would have such deep fear of his loved ones being harmed he wouldn't want anyone to get mixed up in the life that he hates so much for himself. But yet some people will think that this all shouldn't shape his personality in any way and how he chooses to conduct himself. When really this should be very understanding as to why he is acting the way that he is. It's as if cir needs to be just a black and white person no grayness at all to him. Cir doesn't know what love is and yet people kind of expect him to go about it in a non on problematic way. Him stalking phu is a big issue and trauma shouldn't excuse someone's bad behavior true. But the way I teach some people talk about him it's like as if they are just labeling him to just being a soccer and that is it. It's as if your saying that the victims who have traumatic situations and any accessible abuse need to be a quote unquote perfect victim. We're seeing him literally operating on the very little knowledge he has about love he doesn't know much all he knows is that he deeply loves and it's really committed to poo. And he is doing everything in his power to protect who from his abuser he's not free yet from his abusers control. But yet he's supposed to have his all figured out on his own and be what what I feel like some of y'all want and that is for him to be morally correct. Victims of trauma do not owe anyone a representation let alone a perfect one that you already have built up in your head. And authors or creators also if we're being honest do not owe you the allowance to disrespect them either for what they write. It's easy to move reality from fiction and media but I know at the same time some people really just don't care enough to do so to actually understand it all so. But look cir is a very sad and tragic character he's a victim of abuse still in that cycle of abuse and he fell in love yet doesn't know how to go about that in a way that is healthy. I'm not saying that you have to say that his stalking is now in the back of the mind because no. I feel like just understanding him and being attacked empathetic would be more nicer instead of just saying that he's a stalker and that is all to him as a character.

Again we've been down this road with prapai and sky because prapai "stalked" sky. When if we go back to how their story started Pai from the jump we have been shown is a player and i think some forget that when they first met. He goes to these races to obviously participate but he also picks up people to hook up with so when he saw sky that day to him it was nothing out of the ordinary. It's just the interaction of how sky and pai met and their interactions afterwards that give people the reason to label him as a "stalker". When in actuality prapai saw that there was more to sky than what he was showing and telling. Prapai grew such concern and worry for sky's well-being when he started to looked into his eyes he can tell that there was something really wrong and even though he didn't know he didn't and couldn't ignore it, it was really weighing on his mind something he constantly asked allowed when he's by himself and when he has found his arms that day when using care from he was sick he just wanted to know what happened. And I honestly think he would have really been regretful if he didn't stick around as long as he did to be there for sky. And yeah sky saw it as him being annoying. But we also saw Skye very much so he was fighting with the feeling of actually liking someone showing him so much care and concern but he also tried not to let it get so much into his head. But because of prapai's patience and his actions lining up behind his words it led to him and sky having a very strong respectful relationship.

[hottakehoulihan]

Every second I subject myself to Ward I wonder if maybe this is WB fully flexing his "unreliable narrator" organ as hard as he can and that's why I have to deal with having Vicky as MC.

The problem with engaging with fans is the dumb ones talk the most and the loudest, and eventually it's hard not to think that maybe you have been too subtle. ...and so where Taylor literally did nothing wrong of course, maybe it's time to push Vicky as a super obnoxious "the law is always morally correct you should always follow the law first or be hit with hammers" (borrowed from a speech she gave to Kensie) gal who is wrong "leopards never change their spots once someone has crimed they are a crime-inal forever" literallyfigurativelyliterally all the time

and I'm just not strong enough to get that I need to read this like I'm enduring Catcher in the Rye again, and that arrested-development-glorygirl (no reference to the TV show) is maybe some day going to outgrow her trauma and hate and desire to be the boot on the neck of nonconformists (the girl literally chose black as her costume color because she hates white because Amy wore it) and

ah I shouldn't rant. Fortunately Vicky dies in the next chapter and then I can--what's that? Instead of Vicky dying it's one of the characters I liked? Dammit. I hate that. It's probably the dog. We only just got Dooby Skew the wonder dog and it dies right after? Bullshit. We can't have nice things. : (

I don't hate Vicky fans. I will assume that anyone who actually likes Antares is just a superior student of English Literature as compared to me and they probably enjoyed every page of Ulysses instead of just being kind of annoyed and bored like I was 80% of the time I was reading that book. I admit my flaws. I had to reread Catcher in the Rye multiple times just to grasp why other people enjoy and respect the book and I still don't. But yeah. I admit my flaws.

And I sure as hell admit Victoria's because she's like one flaw from the tip of her toes to the top of her cop cap. The only time she shies away from wanting to be ubercop is when she wants a bigger ubercop telling her how to do her own ubercopping.

I think I'd prefer having her mom as MC. I like the way mom's underlings subtly squirm and flush when mommy steps into the office. I could get used to that. Respect the uniform? Bah. Respect the baller Brandish? Okay. Yes ma'am.

Wait, is ward copagnda? Worm seemed relatively anti cop when I read it. From what I've heard Pact is too.

Everything you said is completely true simultaneously.

worm is anti-cop

pact is extremely anti-cop

Victoria throws petty criminals into an alternate dimension prison colony to die of exposure for smoking weed and it's seen as a pretty chill move.

[sygneth]

trying to draw myself through another art crisis

[bunnyboy-juice]

awawawawawawa

[the-haven-keepers-collective]

First off thank you for asking instead of just dismissing us! We technically fall under endogenic, but refuse -genic labels out of spite for syscourse. But we are, undeniably, non-disordered and very much plural.

I think the thing that forced us into realization the most was our sense of identity. Or, our lack thereof. As a "singlet," we didn't have much of a clear identity. It was too fluid to get a solid idea, really. Favorite color? Well, we'd decided it was green. The answer was not always green, we just knew that normal people don't struggle to answer their favorite color. Aesthetic? It depends. We never could pick one; in fact a lot of our life we felt pressured to "pick one." One style of clothing, "Aesthetic" we felt connected to, favorites, general demeanor. In terms of things we liked and disliked, we went off of memory without realizing it. If I was in front, I would know that "I" hated that food last time I tried it, so why would I try it again? I know that "I" like the ocean, so I'm going to get excited to talk about it even though I have no true feelings surrounding it. I just know I like the ocean, right? etc.

After syscovery, it all fell into place very quickly. When paying attention to our identities and feelings as individuals, suddenly we were less dissociated. We were walking around in a dissociative haze (a literal therapist's exact words) before, but suddenly we felt grounded for the first time in a long time. Instead of struggling to all act the same, we allowed ourselves to embrace the differences we spent a lot of energy trying to ignore previously.

As we began to pick out individuals from the mess of system soup, we could recognize their likes and separate them from ours. Trixie likes loud, bright colors- I don't need to feel bad or confused for being overstimulated by them, that's not my thing. It's hers. Suddenly even our deepest interests being wildly inconsistent (ex. I don't give a fuck about the ocean, but don't ask Frog about it if you don't want your ear yapped off) made sense. It was helpful to those around us; suddenly we weren't unpredictable at all. Our mom, who was often a bit distressed since one day we'd be fine being interrupted and the other we'd hate it, suddenly found us easier to interact with because it was Techno and Zane who will get upset with you for interrupting them. Once she could take that into account, she had no problem. Same with other things- "You don't all eat the same," She tells us one day, leaving us to wonder what the fuck that means.

All that yapping to say; it was the fact that we just... are different people. Inexplicably, even without memory gaps or distress caused by it, we just aren't the same person.

As for differences to CDD's: We have no clear memory gaps- just... blurriness. I have relative access to the others' memories versus a CDD system, but personally we consider ourselves to have "low memory barriers." No blackouts, and our memory functions well enough- but it's definitely not how most people experience it. I have no felt sense of a memory being mine, it's just there. On top of that, usually I have lower levels of recall for memories that aren't mine. Like, I could answer a multiple choice question about the experience. I could likely fill in a blank, depending. Just don't ask me to describe to you the memory, I'll mess shit up 100%. We describe it as movie vs. book; You think you have all the important shit, until book readers are saying they butchered at least 3 side plots and left out entire characters. The level of recall isn't consistent between headmates, though.

We also don't experience any distress from being plural. Distress from how people treat plurality? Yes. But not from the plurality itself. My headmates are often a comfort. Beyond that, I'm not quite sure how to articulate the differences, so I'll leave that at that and let the focus of this post be how we realized we were plural despite not having any CDD symptoms.

-Laurance (and likely a few others, too tired to bother picking out the few others in front)

Oh and edit: If you'd like, our asks or DM's are always open. We're always willing and happy to talk about our experiences.

Okay I'm going to rephrase a question, I have for endogenic systems.

So, I think I have a CDD because I have the symptoms of said CDD that I have experienced throughout my life and have disordered my life.

So the question after hearing some endogenic experiences from my other blogs is; how do you determine you are a system/plural?

As from what I've heard from the endos that have interacted with this account is that they commonly do not experience dissociation nor memory gaps, ie are non disordered.

What are your lived experiences that differ from CDD symptoms?

And, can any endogenic ppl share experiences that helped them understand themselves as a system/plural and not a singlet/non-system?

Not trying to start a debate here just trying to understand.

-Admin 1

[girlivealwaysbean]

i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point

[s0ckh3adstudios]

EVERYWHERE I GO I CAN'T AVOID MARTLET SHIPS. /NEG

[theirwolfbicanthrope]

Speaking of being a sorcerer, I’m now head canoning that before he went to sleep he must have put some sort of repellent spell on it. Either that or he was occasionally getting up to drain noble relatives in line to inherit it.

Maybe! The thing with Dracula's castle not getting bothered is that Dracula (and the three women) inhabited it, plus any Romani servants he might have had at various times over the centuries. Or perhaps there was no one from his bloodline left and whatever he had done in life was enough to make people avoid the place (Bill has said Orlok "did some things" to become what he is - maybe there were rumors of black magic, curses, something like that?).

Also wonder why he didn’t take to vampirism that well. It’d be understandable if he’d been older—my general uninformed impression was 1200s-1300’s range for some reason—but that feels fairly quick to give up for a vampire sorcerer (a particularly stubborn one at that).

Yeah, I myself had originally put him in the same time frame as Vlad III before seeing some more interviews and press that discussed his age/era. I know there was some fandom discussion about him being cursed for things done in life and was basically just corpse with his soul trapped until Ellen 'woke him' and it was like a literal resurrection, which could be possible (ETA: my bad! This was from a fanfic I read, got it mixed up) -though these comments from Lathrop indicate otherwise imo. Also the amount of fear and local legend connected to him to me implies he was around for more than the roughly 9 years between Ellen waking him and the events of the movie (that is a guestimate based on Lily's age/what I know of age of marriage in Germany in that time period - it could be less, maybe more though I really don't think it would be more than 10, especially if she was 15 or 16 when she first summoned him).

My personal theory? Orlok used magic to become immortal for whatever reason - which led to him becoming something vampiric, a living corpse, bound to his grave and only able to walk at night. Perhaps leaving his house/family vulnerable during the day, or driving them away - or, like in a lot of vampire folklore, he felt compelled to feed on them, destroying his own bloodline.

Also this makes it even more interesting that he actively waited for Ellen and didn’t take any action to physically come get her (aside from visiting her psychically) until her mid-20’s when she got married.

This is a curious one! Perhaps he did wish for her to be older? While he might not have qualms preying on her mind/spirit while she's still a teenager, I could see him preferring she grow up a little more before he came to her in flesh. Or possibly he did not realize how much time had actually passed (I mean, I lose track of days, I can imagine an immortal would have some difficulty with that ).

Another option - if he could not turn her (this one and the original excludes the elements from Dracula of him turning others), perhaps it was that he wanted to wait as long as possible before coming for her, knowing he would kill her. Or! If he did hate what he was so much, maybe part of him wanted to wait as long as possible before making her the same as him? Despite what he says about her not being for the living, I think part of what draws him to her is in fact her life, her vibrancy, and maybe he thinks because of what happened to himself, turning her would dim that.

Sometimes I also like to think he took so long because he had to gather the energy to bother. 🤣 Has to travel around the entire continent of Europe, bring all his rats, start a plague, it's just so much work!

Went digging around about the quote regarding Orlok sleeping for a century (or more) before hearing Ellen and here is everything I've found around it (so far):

my post about the Fangoria issue + reblog with the photo of the quote (also corrected to give the credit to Craig Lathrop who said it, not Eggers - don't post things when half awake and overly excited, kiddos!)

These are all interviews with Lathrop, the production designer (+ some of the other crew, but the quotes are all his)

“We needed disrepair, decay, you needed to feel diseased almost,” he said. “So that’s what we were building. It needed to feel like Orlok has gone in his sarcophagus a hundred years ago, and he’s decided not to come out again until Ellen awakens him.”

The supernatural feeling of the scene is furthered when Hutter approaches Count Orlok’s castle, which was able to use Corvin Castle in Romania as an exterior though the interior needed to be designed and built by Lathrop. “I looked at a lot of castles in the Czech Republic, probably all of them,” he says. “They’re all beautifully refurbished and ready for tourists to come through, but that’s not who Orlok is, right? Orlok has been in his sarcophagus for at least a hundred years, probably closer to two. He is in disrepair and decay and almost diseased, and you want to feel that.”

Then there's this one that is a little more confusing -

The main thing is that it should be not just unkempt – it should be falling apart. It should be deteriorating, much like Orlock. You have a few items, more inside the tower room, which was the Hutter bedroom. I was thinking of the castle as being 100 or 200 years old. I looked at the 16th century as if it had just sat there for 150 years. It couldn’t be what we were seeing, these beautifully whitewashed, spit-shined old castles. They are gorgeous, but they look like they’re ready for tourists to visit.

If Orlok is 300, then his castle should be around the same age, right? Or, at least 250-ish years, if he did die in his 50s like Bill Skarsgard said in some interviews. The whole quote is kind of awkwardly phrased. I'm wondering if this was a mix up of the previous quotes.

Though I suppose it's not outside the realm of possibility the castle was finished after he became a vampire, especially if there were more of his bloodline still alive at the time. But in every other quote he's talking about the castle going into disrepair as Orlok goes to sleep, both of them decaying together. Idk, this one confused me.

Overall, the headcanon I'm getting is that Orlok hated being a vampire and didn't want to really actively be one - until Ellen gave him a reason to fully embrace what he is.

[welcometogrouchland]

Wait crying again bc I was rewatching The Intruder today (episode 4 of season 1) and I realized that like. The glyphs represent a few things in the narrative but one thing that's consistent is they're always there when Luz doesn't feel like she's good enough on her own. They appear to her as comfort in moments of self depreciation or self doubt, or she coincidentally learns them in episodes where she faces her fear of rejection or makes a mistake (at least this is true in terms of the first four base glyphs she discovers). It's the titans way of saying "you may have to do things differently, but you can do anything they can do" to Luz bc he cares about her

AND THEN. IN WATCHING AND DREAMING. WHEN THE TITAN PASSES ON AND THE GLYPHS DON'T WORK ANYMORE. IT'S BECAUSE NOW LUZ FINALLY FEELS LIKE SHE'S GOOD ENOUGH, ALL ON HER OWN. SHE'S LEARNED THAT SHE HAS INTRINSIC WORTH AS A PERSON AND SHE DOESN'T NEED TO MAKE UP FOR WHO SHE IS. SHE MIGHT DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY BUT SHE CAN DO EVERYTHING ANOTHER WITCH CAN DO- THIS TIME WITH HER OWN, MORE PERSONAL ACCESSIBILITY TOOL (HER PALISMEN) INSTEAD OF THE ONE THE TITAN GAVE HER. MAN!!!!!

[rotisseries]

inspired by elli's poll lol cause this seems fun actually but if you guys have bad answers I'll kill myself on your doorstep or smth

[adore-gregor]

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